What is anxiety?

We’ve all experienced it: the racing thoughts, trying to catch your breath, panic, overthinking, chest tightness, sweaty palms. You might be wondering why you feel it, and if it always has to be this intense. The answer to the second question is no, absolutely not (phew!). Now let’s dive into the first question.

Anxiety is a physical response to “danger.” I use quotes around danger because not everything that we feel anxious about is actually dangerous. Imagine that anxiety is like an alarm system in our bodies. It activates when there is a threat to us, which is actually helpful. If we didn’t have this, then we’d probably not think twice about playing with lions or walking through traffic.

The problem is that sometimes the high-anxiety alarm system detects EVERYTHING as a threat, goes off, and we think we need protection. Even though it’s well-intentioned, this takes us out of our bodies and the present moment. Our thoughts start going into overdrive in an attempt to find control and “safety” (cue the overthinking, panic, can’t-breathe-tight-chest feeling). Those thoughts are not only full of self-doubt and self-criticism, but they’re lies (“I’m stupid”…“everyone’s judging me”…“I’ll always feel like this”…“I don’t deserve love”…“I’m not (fill in the blank) enough”…“I’m a burden”).

Why does this happen,
and how can I make this stop?

People who have high levels of stress, or have experienced trauma (any event, relationship, or situation where the level of distress you’re in is greater than your capacity to cope), know what it feels like to not feel safe or secure. Humans are pain-avoiding creatures and want to protect themselves. They remember how painful it was to go through those experiences and want to avoid more at all cost. The trouble with this is that pain and discomfort are very different, but often get lumped into the same category.

For example, sitting with uncomfortable emotions on their own is not dangerous, but for some people they think it’s unbearable or that they can’t handle it. So unconsciously you might blame your emotions, and convince yourself you’ll be less anxious if you avoid your emotions. Meanwhile, deeper into the anxiety rabbit hole you go. Doing this work in therapy is important because you’ll be in a space with someone (me!) who you develop trust with, and knows how to help guide you through this process. We can get to the root of why your anxiety is here, what continues to drive it, and how you can get your needs fulfilled without anxiety running the show.

This might be hard to hear, but the goal isn’t to completely get rid of all anxiety. Because remember, anxiety is actually a helpful thing within you to keep you truly safe. Low levels of anxiety also give you the energy and motivation to complete tasks, reach your goals, and the ability to plan for things in a helpful, not fearful way. That part won’t go away! You’ll just be able to plan for things in life that need planning and experience the drive to succeed without intrusive thoughts getting in your way.

Through different mindfulness (intentionally being in the present moment with self-compassion), somatic (strengthening the mind-body connection), and IFS approaches (learning how different parts of yourself are trying to keep you safe, and helping to unburden), I can help you to reduce your anxiety. So even during stressful times, you’ll be able to enjoy life again without your inner critic flooding your mind, increased muscle tension, or low self-confidence. You can learn to notice anxiety in your body and understand what purpose it’s here to serve in that moment. Are you in need of a boundary? Is there true danger?

You don’t have to spend your life in fear, and stuck in cycles of overthinking and self-doubt. Don’t let anxiety hold you back for another minute. Begin your journey of taking control of anxiety today.